So Let The Purple Sky Explode
by fgtzx
Summary: Axel has always been content with floating through the halls of Hogwarts, unnoticed. But on the train ride of his sixth year, he meets Jakeoby, who changes everything, becomes his friend. Maybe with Jakeoby's help, he'll talk to his cold hearted crush?
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I own Axel. That's right, Axel Lucas is my creation. :D Other than that, I own very little. I admit this. So don't sue me. x3

Warnings: There may be smutt in future chapters. I'm not sure yet. Also, this fan fiction revolves around book six in the series, so, it's got a LOT of spoilers.

Authors Note: The first few chapters are short, I know this. But, it's because I'm just getting into it all. Stick with me, have a little faith, and the fan fiction will ship up a little.

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**Chapter One;  
Horatio**

_The reason I want to spit  
these creaky old memories out  
is because I don't have any  
other proof of my existence__  
-Rewrite, L'ArcEnCiel_

I almost remember happy times. I almost remember times when the looming threat of Voldemort wasn't scaring the piss out of my family, and I almost remember the last time I actually smiled. Almost.

I've always looked up to my father, in a way, but I've never believed the same things as him. For instance, I know for a fact that my old man is a Deatheater… and I hate it. I hate Voldemort, and I hate his followers, I hate that wretched man's ideas… of course, being a pureblood wizard in the Slytherin house at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, I've never actually had the guts to admit it, because I don't want my whole family obliterated. That and I actually don't mind half-bloods and muggleborns… I mean… they really aren't all that bad. Well... except for that Hermione Granger. Can't stand her, she thinks she's all that and a bag of potato chips. Other than that, I don't mind them. Harry's not a bad guy, though I'd never say THAT out loud either. I'd be disowned by everyone I know.

I sighed quietly, and finished packing my trunk, even though it probably should've been done three days ago, when my mother first started asking. I went through, made sure everything I needed was inside, and quickly bolted it shut, sitting on the lid and looking across my room, into the mirror, only to have a freak stare back at me.

Wild black hair stuck up everywhere, the natural darkness untouched by any sort of dye, and it always looks like I've just rolled out of bed… that's the way I've always liked it. My eyes, green-blue like the colour of the sea on a stormy day, look back, taking in the entire freak that is me. My skinny little frame, untouched by all the food I manage to eat, was adorned in a pair of black jeans that were a little bit tight on me, a blue Say Anything t-shirt (muggle bands are amazing), and a plain black hoodie. My long arms have pale hands with long fingers attached. My mother calls them 'pianist fingers', and even though I took lessons as a child, I've never been to into the piano. My legs, long like my arms, are shaved and hairless, as I hate body hair that's not on the top of someone's head. I've always hated body hair… but my fingers always seem to end up tangled up in the hair on someone's head when we kiss. I don't even know how… it's like they have their own minds.

A cigarette hung from my lips, and the ring of pink eyeliner around my eyes needed a little bit of touching up, but other than that… I looked like I always did; the odd one out. My parents, with their fair hair and bright blue eyes, whom I look nothing like, and my older brother, the magical boy, you know, the one your parents just give all of their affection to because he's better? He looks just like them. I'm probably the mailman's kid or something. I can't help but giggle at the ridiculous thought of that, and then there's a banging on the door.

"It's open." I offered gently, looking at the wooden door of my bedroom as it opened, and my father stepped in.

"You're all packed for tomorrow, then?" He asked eyes steely, like they always were around the bad son… the gay son.

"Yeah, I'm packed, my alarm is set to wake me up, and my cat will be in his basket by leaving time tomorrow." I replied looking at the black and orange, sleeping lump on my blankets.

"Good. You should probably get some sleep then. Tomorrow, I'll bring you to the station and see you off."

"Like always, dad." I offered, before nodding, "Night." I added, and he turned and walked out, bidding me goodnight as he shut the door. I sighed, and curled up on the bed next to Horatio, the aforementioned cat, petting him softly.

"So, Horatio, you ready for another year of living away from home with a bunch of strange people who often times try to kick you? Yeah, I bet." I muttered, resting my head on his stomach, closing my eyes. Horatio always seemed to like my using him as a pillow.

So, I bet you're all thinking 'Horatio? What kind of name is that for a cat?' Well, I'll tell you. In Hamlet, Horatio is Hamlet's most trusted friend and Hamlet reveals all his plans to Horatio. Horatio swears to secrecy about the ghost and Hamlet's pretense of madness, and conspires with Hamlet to prove Claudius's guilt in the mousetrap play. He is the first to know of Hamlet's return from England, and informs Hamlet of Ophelia's death

At the end of the play, Horatio proposes to finish off the poisoned drink which was intended for Hamlet, saying that he is 'more an antique Roman than a Dane', but the dying prince wrestles the cup away from him and bids Horatio to live, help put things right in Denmark. Hamlet's last request creates an interesting parallel between the name _Horatio_ and the Latin _orator_, meaning "speaker".

And I like that muggle show with the cool CSI's… you know, CSI; Miami. But that doesn't matter, the Shakespearian one sounds smarter.

Anyhow, Horatio (as in the cat under my head) yowled his head off when he was a kitten, which made me want to name him Orator, but that wasn't a good name. Then I read Hamlet and just like that, kitty had a name.

The thing about going somewhere for me is this; I can never manage to get much sleep before I have to get up and go. So, every year, on the last night of summer vacation, I sit on my bed, with Horatio, and I think. I think about all the bad memories from home, the good memories from home, the bad memories from school, and the good memories from school.

Home. Home… I have a love/hate relationship with home. I can't wait to come home, and then I can't wait to leave again.

I've always been the son that my parents look down on, because I'm the gay one, and I don't fit in, and I don't go about hexing anyone who isn't a pureblood at school. And my brother, oh the relentless 'Well I have this…' or 'I did that…' it's just like. SHUT THE HELL UP, ALREADY ART. Gwar. But at the age of sixteen, you're just used to it, and it's only at the worst times when you want to shove an old sock in his mouth to shut him up.

Of course, the worst memory I have from home has to be when I was about thirteen, and my parents walked in on me and the muggle boy from next door snogging. Well, let me tell you, I'd never been so terrified for my life. My father had that 'YOU ARE SO DEAD' look in his eyes. We moved. I never saw that muggle boy again. My father never looked at me the same again, and my mother doesn't talk to me much anymore. Who wants a son that won't carry on the family name? Well, at least they've got Art to do that for them.

Art shall go forth and multiply, and I shall stick it in boys. That's going to be life, and I seem to be the only one who doesn't care. Oh well.

School, on the other hand, I don't mind. People tend to ignore me as long as I ignore them, and since I'm in Slytherin, few people from the other three houses talk to me anyway, which suits me fine…

Sometimes I get lonely, though, and then I can always just chat away with one of the ghosts. They seem to enjoy my company, and you can learn so much from them.

There's one thing that I always find myself going back to school for, though. It's a boy. A very, very pretty boy in my house. We share a dorm, even… of course, this boy tends to ignore me unless he needs something, and I guess I'm content with just watching him in his everyday life. But you know how when you fancy someone sometimes you just wish they'd notice you? Say hi in the hall or give you a little smile? Yeah, it's like that. I don't like being so lonely knowing that the boy I fancy doesn't notice me, and probably never will.

I don't think anyone likes that.

I'm Axel Lucas, and I'm starting my sixth year at a school for wizards and witches tomorrow.  
I'm in love with a boy.  
This boy barely knows me.  
This boy is Draco Malfoy.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two;  
****Jake-Oby?**

  
_So let me fill these empty spaces  
__Better late than never  
__Stay forever  
__Let me fill this empty space_  
_-Empty Spaces, SR-71_

I waved a last goodbye to my parents as the train pulled away from the station, and found sat down in my seat. My compartment wasn't empty, but the other people didn't seem to notice me, like usual. The two males and their female friend were chattering away, and I stared unseeingly out the window. An hour or so later, though, I jumped when I heared my name.

"Axel?"

"Uhm… yes?" I asked, turning to face the people in the compartment.

"You haven't met Jakeoby, have you?"  
"Jake… oby?" I mumbled, kind of confused. I knew most of the people in my year by sight, but the Jake-Oby male the girl was pointing to didn't seem familiar.

"Yeah, Jakeoby." The girl smiled, "He just moved to England from CANADA. Crazy, no?"

"Ohh… that's why you… didn't seem familiar." I offered in a mumble. My eyes scanned over Jakeoby's appearance, and I automatically registered him as 'cute-but-not-hot'.

Shoulder length brown hair, shining brown eyes to match, and somewhat pale skin. There was a hoop through his bottom lip, and a little star dangled off of the lip piercing. His clothes said 'grunge kid' but his posture said he was raised well. He had soft features, but that cunning look in his eye that told you 'Sure, I'm your friend, but you're going to end up taking the blame for stupid shit I do'. I liked that.

"Hi." Jakeoby grinned at me. '_Cute smile_'.

"Hey," I offered, "I'm Axel Lucas."

"Jakeoby Smithson." He replied, running his hand through his hair.

"So. Canada? I've heared it's nice there." I pitch.

"Where I'm from, it's mostly cowboys, riggers, and open prairie."

"Prairie?" I mumbled. Not from the coasts, then.

"Yeah, I'm a Saskatchwan dweller." He chuckled, and shrugged.

"Ohhhhh. I see." I nodded, and rested my head on the window, looking back out.

"Axel's antisocial." The girl offered with a giggle. I ignored her.

"Yeah, only really talks to the ghosts and his cat." The other boy cut in. Horatio yowled from his basket on the luggage rack. I ignored the male and glanced at the luggage rack where my poor kitty was stuck in a basket.

"Really? Why's that, Axel?" Jakeoby. I decided to reply.

"Because no one else is worth talking to." I offered. The other two Slytherin's huffed, and Jakeoby laughed.

"Sarah, switch me places." Jakeoby offered.

"No. I'm just leaving, let's go, Phillip." Sarah said, her voice cold, and I could feel her eyes smouldering the shirt on my back. I heared the two housemates leave, and Jakeoby slid so he was sitting right across from me.

"So, Axel, no one else is worth talking to?" He questioned.

"Nope." I said bluntly.

"What about me?"

"Wouldn't have a clue, Jakeoby. I don't know you."

"Well, you don't know them." Jakeoby offered.

"Sarah and Phil? I know them because I've been in school with them since I was eleven. They're annoying. They'd only waste my time." I offered with a little smirk.

"Well, I'm going to be your friend." Jakeoby said, as if this were a fact.

"Oh really now?" I asked, looking away from the window to the Canadian across from me.

"Yep."

"And how're you going to do that?"

"I'll just follow you around until you're used to me and have nothing better to do than talk to me." Jakeoby offered, "Or," He grinned, "You can just say we're friends now."

"…Are you allergic to cats?"

"No."

"I'll let Horatio decide. Maybe he won't want to share me." I said, standing, and grabbing the purring basket on the luggage rack. I opened it up, and out leapt my tiger-patterned cat, right into Jakeoby's lap.

"REEEOOOWWRRRRRR." Puurpurrsnuggle.

"We're friends." I grinned as Horatio rubbed his cheek against Jakeoby's chin, then leapt gracefully into my lap.

"Good to hear." Jakeoby offered, leaning back in his seat.

The rest of the train ride was spent with us talking, asking questions, getting to know each other, like friends would, and Horatio sleeping in my lap for a bit, then in Jakeoby's then in mine. When the train pulled up to the station in Hogsmeade, Jakeoby and I knew enough about each other that you'd think we'd been friends for a few years already. We climbed into a carriage to be brought up to the school, and I looked over at him.

"So… d'you know what house you're in yet?" I asked.

"Naw, Dumbledore said he'd sort me after all your little first years." Jakeoby answered, and all of a sudden four people clambered into the carriage.

"Pansy sit on THAT side!" The white-blonde haired male commanded as the pug-like creature thing called Pansy climbed in. Ew. Pansy. She blinked, and looked over at Draco.  
"Drakeyyy… there's already PEOPLE in here!"

"I don't bloody care, just sit down." Draco offered, annoyed. Jakeoby snickered as the girl sat on the other side of him, and then Draco, Crabbe and Goyle lumbered in, Draco sitting inbetween his two goons, right across from Jakeoby. "You're a new face…" He offered, looking Jakeoby over quickly.

"Yep." Jakeoby smirked, "New arrival."

"Bit tall for a first year."

"I'm not." Jakeoby replied, unamused by this comment, "I just moved here, that's all."

"Oh. What house are you in?"

"No idea. I'm getting sorted after the first years." Jakeoby said, looking over at me. Oh great. That put the attention of the three on the other side of the carrige on me.

"…Oh! You're Axel, aren't you? Mmm… you're in my dorm, right?"

"Uhm… y-yeah." I offered in reply to Draco's question, shuffling my feet a little and wishing that the carriage would open up and eat me.

We jolted into movement.

"Heh… that's the one that talks to ghosts 'steada people." Goyle offered stupidly.

"Well, I'd rather talk to ghosts than oafs who can't speak properly." Jakeoby defended me, and smirked at the now confused Goyle.

"Yes, Goyle, keep your mouth shut." Draco sighed, leaning back into his seat.

The rest of the carriage ride Draco, Jakeoby, and Pansy talked. Crabbe and Goyle stayed quiet so they didn't sound stupid, and I stayed quiet because I didn't want to be noticed. When the carriage slowed to a stop, Grabbe and Goyle opened the doors, and launched themselves out, waiting for Draco. Pansy waited, as if she were waiting for Draco to help her out, but got fed up and rolled her eyes, climbing out on her own. Jakeoby slide out with the grace of a cat, and Draco gave me a little smirk before nodding at the door, silently telling me to get out.

I did so.

He followed behind me.

Jakeoby circled around the carriage, standing next to me, "Shall we go in?" He asked, me, and I nodded, keeping my eyes off of Draco. I didn't want to be caught looking at him.

"Jakeoby-" I started.

"Just call me Jake."

"Jake," I corrected, "Thanks for getting Goyle back in the carriage."

"Well, it didn't look like you were going to say anything."

"…I wasn't." I mumbled.

"Exactly. You be the brains and I'll be the attitude." Jake smirked, and we entered the Great Hall, flopping into seats at the Slytherin table, right up by the staff table.

The buzz of people talking about their summers travled through the air like a million refrigerators… until, that is, the first years walked into the hall, lead by Hagrid, the groundskeeper. The giant man sat in his chair, and professor McGonagall came up with a stool and the sorting hat.

After the hat finished it's song, McGonagall started listing names.

A.  
B.  
C…

When we reached 'Zux, Lancor' and he was placed in Hufflepuff, Dumbledore stood, "We have a final student to be sorted. He's in his sixth year, and has transferred here from Canada. Mr. Smithson?" Jake stood, and walked up to the stool, and McGonagall placed the hat on his head, a little smirk on Jake's lips.

"…best be… SLYTHERIN!" The hat called, and Jake nodded, pulling the hat off, setting it on the stool, and trotting back over to me.

"I'm far to evil NOT to be put in this house." Jake offered with a little laugh. I smiled.

Then the feast started.


	3. Chapter 3

Mm. So. Chapter three. I don't like the way this is turning up already. It's terribly short and moving a bit fast. But bear with me. Also, there's a nice big makeout scene in the next chapter. So, that's when the rating comes in. Also, I've decided I'm going to try my hand at smut, so expect that somewhere in the story. But don't jump to conclusions on who it'll be. :3  
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**Chapter Three;  
Myrtle Has OTHER Friends?**

_And all my  
All my faces are alibies  
__I'm half the man I wanted to be  
__-Alibis, Marianas Trench_

I told you I talked to the ghosts, right? Well, even now, with Jake, I still end up talking to them quite often. His big mouth has landed him a handful of detentions since he was sorted three months ago.  
So when he's in detentions, I talk to the ghosts.  
Tonight is Mrytle's night.

Annoying as she may be, and even though she hits on me (even though I've told her I'm a pouffe), she's alright. But when I walk into the girls' toilet, I hear someone else's voice, and quickly scamper into one of the empty cubicles, as the speaker's back was turned to me.  
Even just by his back, though, I knew it was him.  
Draco

"I don't bloody know what to do! I've got Snape hovering over my shoulder, and my mother's worried and… oh, bloody hell." His voice sounded tired, as if he'd gone a long time with little sleep. He looked it too, from my recent peeks at him over the past while. He'd been eating less, going out less, sitting in our dorm more, and he didn't easily fall asleep at night. I heared Myrtle "Mmhmm…" You know she's just checking him out.

Draco rambled on for a bit more, but about what I wasn't sure. He sounded worried, upset, though. Then Myrtle cut in.  
"Draco, this has been a good talk, but I have to go… I promised Sir Nicolas I'd meet him somewhere for a chat as well…" She offered, sounding sad, like always.

"Go then." Draco mumbled.

SPLOOSH. Just Draco and I.

And Draco didn't even know it. I peeked out of my stall and looked at him. His back was still to me, so I snuck to the door, and opened it, pretending to just walk in.

"Oh… uhm… Draco…" I mumble, as if I was shocked to see him.

"I saw you sneaking to the door just now. You should try to duck under mirrors, Axel." Draco was looking at me through… a mirror.

"Oh… I… uhm…"

"How long were you listneing?" He asked.

"A-about… f-five… five minutes…" I offered.

"So you didn't hear much, at least." Draco grumbled.

"No, not really. What… I didn't know Myrtle had other friends."

Draco chuckled, "Neither did I." He offered, "Why'd you come in here?"

"I usually talk to Myrtle on Fridays if Jakeoby's in detention…" I admitted.

"Ah, I see…" Draco nodded, and stood, turning on his heel, and walking over to me. "I never really got to know you."

"I never really wanted anyone to."

"What about Jake?"

"Jake… well, had I said no, he just would've followed me around." I replied, giving Draco a little smile.

A little smile that he returned. My heart skipped a beat.

"So, you always hide in bathrooms then?" Draco asked.

"…No." I offered in a quiet voice, "I just didn't want to scare you or Myrtle off, because I mean… you were having a good conversation."

"Hmm. If you could call me talking for hours a good conversation…" Draco offered, sighing a little. "Come on, let's walk." He led the way out of the bathroom, and I followed a few paces behind. "Bloody hell, how are we supposed to talk if you're on the other end of the hall, Lucas?" He asked over his shoulder.

"I just thought…"

"You're not Crabbe or Goyle, so get up here and talk." Draco offered with a little laugh. I scampered up beside him.

"So… uhm… can I ask what you and Myrtle were talking about?" I asked.

"No." Draco replied quickly, "But… but… you can ask something different." He added, his cold, grey eyes looking over at me.

"Oh… okay… uhm… are you and Pansy… are you dating?" I offered the new question, pushing a bit of my black hair out of my face.

"Not really. She's convinced we are, but we're not. I can't really stand her…" Draco grumbled, "But I put up with her. My turn to ask some questions. I've heared rumor you're a pouffer?"

"Well… uhm… ye-yeah, I am." I replied. '_Great, now he's going to make fun of me and take off._'

"Thought so. So you and Jake? You two dating?"

I snorted in reply, shaking my head. "Nah, Jake's after some sixth year girl."

"Oh?" Draco asked, looking a bit taken aback.

"Yeah… why?" I asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Well… I just thought… you two were… yeah."

"No." I offered with a little smile, "We're not."

Draco mumbled the password to get into the common room, and we walked in, heading for our dorm. When we got up there, I plopped onto my bed and to my surprise, Draco sat on the far corner of my bed, looking at me.

"We've been dormmates since our first year, and we've barely said two words before this." Draco murmered, and I nodded. "Well, how come you didn't just… talk to me?"

"Ever notice that I liked being unnoticed? People don't tend to like purebloods that are gay, you know. I get razzed about it when people hear about it." I replied, leaning against my headboard.

"Well… what if you just didn't TELL them you were gay?" Draco offered.

"My brother's been through this school and graduated. Everyone in our year knows." I muttered.

"Riiight, I forgot that you have a brother." Draco nodded a little. "Anyway… is there anyone you fancy?" He smirked.

"What!?" I asked, eyes wide.

"Is. There. Anyone. You. Fancy?"

"Well… well, yeah, but…" I stuttered.

"I won't flaunt it," Draco offered.

"I can't say." I managed, "Too embarassing."

"Come onnnn…" Draco prodded.

"No."

"Axellll…"

"Noooo…"

Draco stood, walked to my end of the bed, and began poking my forehead. "Chinese Torture or something. Tell me."

"You'd probably laughor something."

"I wouldn't."

"Then you'd think I was stupid."

"Just tell me, Axel." Draco demanded, still tapping my forehead.

"Fine! Ilikeyou." I said the last three words really, really fast, so it sounded like 'eye like eww.'

"What?" The poking stopped.

"I… I… I like YOU." I muttered.

"Isn't THAT awkward?"

"Jakeoby? When'd you… get out of detention?" Draco asked, whirling around.

"Just now, and I decided to see if my pally was up here. Looks like I walked in on some awkward confessions." Jake explained, a little grin on his face. It was all I could do not to hurl myself out the window right now.

"Well… ah…" Draco mumbled.

"You should kiss him, Draco." Jake said with a little grin. "I bet you'd both like it."

"WHAT?" I asked, eyes wide, a bit panicky now. "NONONO. JAKE. SHUT UP!"

"Whatt? I'm just telling the truth, Axel." Jake offered, before turning on his heel, and walking out of the room. "Night booyysss." He called over his shoulder, walking away.

"You… want me… to kiss you?" Draco asked, as if he were a little shell-shocked by all this.

"Well… well… you don't… don't have to… Jake was just… he… jokes and…." I rambled, seemingly unable to finish a complete sentence.

And then everything changed.

Draco's lips crashed against mine, shutting me up instantly, my back going straight and my eyes opening as wide as they could. He kneeled over me on the bed, grabbing my shirt collar and pulling me closer. I didn't protest. My eyes and back relaxed, and my lips finally remembered what to do in such situations, and began kissing back, my fingers, like always, roamed into the white-blonde hair that hung around Draco Malfoy's devilishly angelic face.

And then it ended. He pulled away, but I could still feel the sweet tingle of his soft lips against my own, and my hands fell away from his hair, but I could still feel the softness.

"D-Draco…?" I mumbled.

"You can't tell anybody. Not a soul." Draco whispered.

"But… Jake…"

"I know, Jakeoby knows, but no one else. Not the ghosts, not anyone." Draco's voice was soft, but scared. Scared about what?

"Why…?"

"I don't want to get you into trouble, and _I_ don't want to get into trouble. Warn Jake to keep his mouth shut, okay?" Draco explained, rubbing his left forearm over the cloak he was wearing. "Promise."

"I promise." I whispered, nodding.

We stayed like that, silent in my bed, for a while, with him sitting next to me against the headboard, staring into space. My thoughts were still lost in the wonderous feeling of Draco's lips, the lips I'd wanted for so long, pressed against my own in that fast paced kiss. My eyes kept wandering from the space infront of me to the mystery beside me, Draco Malfoy. Then Draco put an arm around my shoulders, and pulled me a little bit closer, and began to talk, very, very quietly.

"Axel, if I could, I'd tell you everything. But I can't. So we have to keep secrets. You don't ask about why I talk to Myrtle, or why you can't tell anyone, and things will work out fine. This will be our secret, okay?" He offered, his grey eyes looking into my green-blue ones.

"…Okay, Draco." I murmered. I didn't want to be a secret, I didn't want to be something swept under the rug… but I finally had Draco, and I'd latch onto any chance to keep it that way. "Can I ask about us, though…?" I asked.

"What about us?" Draco asked gently.

"Why did you kiss me?" I asked quietly, looking up at him.

"I kissed you because it was what my body told me to do. I've known you for what, a little over five years, and just because I don't really know you, it doesn't mean I never thought your body was gorgeous. And that stutter you have… it's pretty cute too. Everything in me was screaming at me to kiss you." Draco explained with a little smile. A real smile.

"R-really?" I asked softly, "But… I thought… I thought you were straight?" I added.

"Hell, I'm not gay, but I'm not exactly straight either. I guess that makes me bi, eh?" Draco offered, looking at me with eyes that didn't look so tired anymore.

"So… so… if I keep quiet to everybody… you and I… we'll meet in seceret?" I asked. I can't recall ever being so… stuttery, or weak. It was as if being with Draco made every other problem go away, like there was no one else in the whole school.

"Yeah." Draco nodded, "But, you can tell Jake, because he's probably going to know anyway." He offered with a little laugh.

And things kept going like that, Draco and I would sit in the dorm at night, in one of our beds, kissing and snuggling. This was a different side of Draco, one very few (if anyone) had probably seen. This was the happy Draco, the Draco that only wanted to be gentle and happy…

That sounds terribly corny, and I know that, but that's how it was. It was classic Cliché Romance Novel. I didn't need the ghosts much anymore, because between Draco and Jake, I was content. I was noticed. I wasn't alone anymore and I was getting used to it. During the day, I spent time with Jake, so I didn't make it obvious Draco and I were doing anything, and at night, Draco would wait until the other two people in the dorm were fast asleep, and he'd beckon me to his bed, and he and I would whisper ever-so-quietly, him holding me in his arms. He never let me take his shirt off of him though, and it was always long sleeved… I'm not sure how he could take the heat. But I didn't mind. We'd fall asleep, and then just before the sunrise, before the others were awake, Draco would wake up, put me back in my bed, and climb back into his own.

For the first time since I was about thirteen, I was happy all over again. Things were going perfect.  
And like every cliché romance novel, things were about to go terribly, terribly wrong.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four;  
****I Can't Let You**

_I love how you kiss  
I love all your sounds  
And baby the way you make  
My world go 'round  
And I just wanted to say…  
I'm sorry  
__- Sorry, Buckcherry_

My lips were working furiously against the Draco's, putting up at least a bit of a fight for the dominance that I knew I'd never win. I liked it this way, with Draco ontop of me, his fingers wandering over my bare chest, leaving the skin tingling in their wake. My back arched up slightly into the touch, and my eyes fluttered closed. His soft lips moved off of mine, and I whined softly at the loss of contact, but he reconnected them moments later to my jaw line, trailing the kisses down to my neck, where he bit down, and I moaned, trying to keep quiet. I could feel him grinning against the flesh of my neck, sucking gently on the bitemarks he'd just left, and I tilted my head away, giving him more acess to the tender skin of my neck. My fingers clutched at the perfect blonde hair on his head, and I moaned quietly, his kisses moving down onto my collarbone, then to my chest, biting me again, leaving red teethmarks, perfect imprints of his perfect teeth that would fade away in minutes. He ran his tongue over the marks, and stopped, looking up at me with that devilish Draco Malfoy grin, before taking my nipple into his mouth, and tugging at it gently with his teeth.

Igasped and arched my back up into his touch, tugging gently at his hair, and threw my head back, whispering for more. More Draco. He climbed back up to reattach our lips, and my hands slid out from his hair, and under his shirt, exploring the Quidditch-toned chest, our kiss-swollen lips mashing against each other, my shirt already abandoned beside the bed. I tugged gently at his shirt, trying to get it over his head but he took one of his hands, keeping it pulled down.

"Nnnn," He mumbled into the kiss, shaking his head a little. I broke my lips apart from mine.

"But… I want…"

"No…" Draco whispered gently, trying to recapture my lips, I tilted my head away, and tugged at his shirt again. "Axel, no…" He repeated, keeping the stupid fabric pulled over his chest, the sleeves still covering his arms.

"You always get to see me shirtless-"

"Axel, no!" Draco hissed, pushing my hand away.

"Draco! It's not fair-" Before I really knew what was what, he'd brought his hand across my cheek, and I was scrambling, trying to get out from under him.

"Oh… oh my God… Axel, I'm sorry… I… I didn't…" He reached out to pull me back and I just scrambled off the bed, shaking my head.

"Don't… don't touch me, Draco…" I mumbled, my hands covering the angry, stinging red mark on my cheek.

"But… I didn't mean…"

"You didn't mean to slap me?" I spat, tumbling onto my own bed, glaring at him.

"No… I lost… I lost control… I can't let you… I can't let you see me shirtless." Draco offered in a mumble.

"Why!?" I cried, still glaring, "You always toss my shirts aside like I should even wear them, and then I'm not allowed to take yours off!"

"It's one of those things that you shouldn't ask about." Draco explained quietly, rubbing his left forearm again.

"Why not? We've been doing this now for three months, so why can't I ask ANYTHING about why I can't tell anyone that I'm seeing you?" I asked, the stinging in my cheek slowly fading away.

"Because, Axel! If my father heared about it-"  
"Your father's in Azkaban, Draco!" I cut in. He winced. "…I… that was too far. I'm sorry." I muttered. Draco's father was an ass, but that didn't stop Draco from idolizing him.

"If… if my father found out… you'd be in big, big trouble, and we wouldn't be able to do this anymore, and… I just can't let you see." Draco offered quietly. "I didn't mean to slep you… I… it was a reflex… I'm so sorry…"

My eyes watered up, and I could still feel the angry mark on my face. "It hurts." I mumbled, pulling my knees up to my chest. It wasn't so much physical pain as emotional. Draco had slapped me.

"Axel… come here," Draco whispered, holding his arms out. I stared at him for a moment, lip quivering, before I got up, and shuffled over to his bed, and crawled into his lap. He pulled my hands away from my cheek to inspect it, and kissed the stinging spot gently. "I'm so sorry… it's… it's not too bad… it'll fade away in a few minutes…" He whispered in my ear before hugging me close, and I rested my head on his shoulder, biting my bottom lip so I wouldn't cry.

I'd never once expected Draco to slap me. Not the Draco I'd grown accustomed to being around, at least. And that's what hurt the most.

"I'm never going to hurt you again. I promise," He murmered in my ear, running his fingers through my hair, and rubbing his free hand over the smooth, pale skin of my back. I nodded, and wrapped my arms around his neck, clinging to him. He ran his hand over my back for a bit longer before he sighed quietly, "You're so skinny, Axel… I can feel the bones in your back… all of them."

"I can't help it," I whispered back, "I eat and eat, but my metabolism is so fast that it looks like I've been starving myself." I offered, shrugging a little. "You haven't been eating much lately, though."

"…I haven't been hungry." Draco mumbled quietly, "That's all." He added, kissing the top of my head.

That's where my first seed of doubt started. It wasn't that Draco wasn't eating much, he wasn't smiling much either, and he was always stressed, kind of on edge, and dark circles were forming under his eyes. I felt a bit useless, because when I asked, he always managed to convince me he was fine. But I wasn't going to keep taking it. If there was one thing I learned from being best friends with Jakeoby Smithson, it was don't take anyone's shit, get the truth.

"Draco… talk to me. You can confide in Myrtle, but not in your boyfriend? I can't be worse of a listener than she is…" I whisper.

"Talk? About what?" He asked, feigning innocence.

"Don't play stupid." I commanded gently. "You're not really eating, and you never smile and you're stressed and not sleeping properly…" I listed.

"I… I don't want you involved." Draco cut in.

"Involved in what?" I asked, lifting my head.

"Something stupid that I got into." Draco mumbled.

"Draco, are you in over your head in something? Maybe I can help…"

"No, Axel, you can't. If you stay out of it, you won't get hurt." Draco replied quickly.

"Well at least tell me what it is?" I begged.  
"I can't." Draco whispered, shaking his head. The soothing feeling of his hand on my back dissapeared, and he gently pushed me off. "I can't…" He repeated, getting up from the bed.

"But… Draco… where are you going?" I asked gently, eyes watering up again.

"I have to take care of something." He mumbled, walking out of the dorm.

My lip quivered, and I slowly got up from the bed, not bothering with my shirt, and shuffled into Jakeoby's dorm, climbing into his bed. He looked away from his book, and his eyebrows furrowed.

"This isn't your dorm."

"I know." I whispered.

"Then why're you all weepy and curled up in my bed?" Jakeoby asked gently. Then he noticed the fading red mark. "And why's there a handprint on your cheek? And where's Dr- he?" He caught himself. He'd kept his promise of not telling anyone.

"I just got hurt, that's all." I mumbled, curling up against Jake, resting my head on his chest.

"By who?" He asked dangerously.

"Myself." I whispered, lip quivering.

"Did he slap you?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"He didn't mean to." I offered, "But that's… not why I'm upset."

"Why're you upset, Axel?" Jake's voice was taking on that dangerous edge he got when he was angry.

"Draco won't tell me… he won't tell me what I want to know, or why he's not eating or sleeping, or why he's stressed…" I rambled, and he put a finger to my lips to silence me, and moved to get up. "No… no…" I grabbed his wrist, and pulled him back. "Don't go."

Jake sighed, but lay back down beside me, wrapping his arms around me in a hug.

I know. I'm pitiful. But I don't like emotional pain. Now I finally had someone to go to, and he wouldn't open up. But Jake would hold me, let me stay until I felt better. Draco… I was determined to find out what was up with him… but first I had to make the hurting go away. So I lay against Jake with my eyes closed, letting him read by keeping silent, sorting everything out in my head, letting my emotions calm down.

I heared one of Jake's roommates walk in, and he cleared his throat.

"Just helping a friend in need, bud."

"Good, because if you were gay, I'd make sure to never change my clothes infront of you again." The male laughed, and walked to his own bed. I heared the springs squeak when he sat down. Then the room was quiet again, and I was alone in my thoughts. Somewhere in the midst of calming myself down, I managed to fall asleep under Jake's blanket, using Jake as a giant human pillow. My sleep was dreamless, thank goodness for that, until the end, where I was in a giant tin of cola and someone was shaking me gently, calling my name.

Then I woke up.  
And Jake was shaking me gently, calling my name.

"Axel… Axelllll… AXEL. Draco wants to see you in your dorm," Jake whispered, and I lifted my head slightly, a small yawn slipping past my lips.

"Draco?" I mumbled.

"Yeah, in your dorm." Jake elucidated, and I sat up, and stretched.

"What time is it?"

"Two AM. So go, I want to get back to sleep." Jake murmered, pushing me gently. I stood, and walked out of his dorm, back up to mine, sitting on my bed. Not Draco's, where Draco was waiting.

"I tried… and I couldn't sleep without you with me…" Draco whispered quietly, looking at me sadly.

"How hard did you try?" I mumbled.

"For two hours I've been trying… and I miss having you beside me." Draco replied quietly, both of us being careful not to wake the others. "When did you go snuggled with Jake?"

"When you left." I whispered, "I didn't want to be alone… and you don't want me involved."

Draco sighed quietly, and shook his head a little, "I didn't mean to sound mean, not at all… but it's dangerous…"

"Draco… save it." I mumbled, laying down in my bed, already missing having someone beside me.

Then I heard a faint sob coming from Draco's bed. I ignored it, figuring it was just a cough or something. Then I heared another. And then another. And the Draco broke out in hushed sobs, and I sat back up. "D-Draco…?"

I'd never seen Draco Malfoy cry before.

I stood, and shuffled to his bed, sitting down beside him. "Draco…" I whispered, wrapping my arms around him, "Don't cry… please…?" I crawled into his lap, and held him close, trying to comfort him.

"I don't know how it got this… this b-bad, Axel…" Draco whispered, burying his head in the nape of my neck. "I didn't… mean… I don't want… not anymore…" He sobbed against me, and, still shirtless, I could feel the warm tears on my skin. "Don't leave me… please…?" He whispered gently in my ear.

I shook my head, "I won't," I whispered right back. "I'll never leave you." I added, kissing him softly.

"Even if… even if I do tell you s-someday…?"

"Even if you do tell me." I whispered gently.

"Axel…"

"Yes, Draco?" I asked quietly, and he pulled away from me a little.

"I love you." He murmered, eyes shining with tears in the moonlight that shone through the gap in the curtains over the windows. My lip trembled, and I kissed him softly.

"I love you too, Draco… I love you so much."

A small smile, one of his real smiles, broke out over his lips, and lay down, pulling me with him, and slowly, together, we fell asleep. This time it was right. There were dreams… happy dreams. And this wasn't Jake. This was Draco.  
My Draco.


End file.
